While thinking about the latest post, Father put upon my heart that it was not complete. That I had not truly covered the topic of discussion. You see although I cannot even come close to the horror of understanding the loss of a child, I have other demons that I have endured for more than 40 years due to my own choices. 2 years ago, I would not have written this, however today I am free to do so ...because I know that Father loves me and has loved me even when I THOUGHT he did not.
As I stated I cannot even imagine the horror of losing a child. However, I have known the nightmare of molestation as a child. Some of my first memories are as a 4 year old boy being molested by an uncle. This continued until 10 - 11 years of age. My uncle of course told me that this was all my fault and that I was a very bad boy. Me, I was too little to understand anything other than I was a rotten kid and God must hate me. My family took me to church every Sunday morning, and Sunday and Wednesday evenings. They told me that God loved me but I knew that was a lie. Where was he when I was being molested? Sound Familiar? At the age of approximately 13-14 I was again attacked this time by a youth minister....Where was God? Now I did hate him back. God was like Zeus. I cursed at him for not loving me and allowing this to happen to me. It took me 40 YEARS to understand that Father was there with me as a child. That he did not abandon me during those times. I had prayed and he had heard. He had been there the whole time and had held me close to him as a child.
I know that it is little consolation to know that the children are all being held closely by our Father and are sitting in his lap right now. Yet, that is truth. The question we each have to answer is which choice will I make; to hate God for allowing this to happen, or to accept that bad things will happen and we can look to God for healing. We may never understand the reason for the shooting in an elementary school. However, we can choose to love our Father and support each other. I pray that you will allow Father to work healing in your life now, not later. That it will not take you years to understand that our God is capable of healing all your hurt and pain.
Lastly, Father has a simple promise that may fit here. Ask and it shall be given, seek and ye shall find, knock and the door shall be opened. Ask and you shall be given peace, seek and you shall find the path through the pain, and knock and the door to the Father's presence will be open to you. I pray that this is your walk in the next few months.
As I stated I cannot even imagine the horror of losing a child. However, I have known the nightmare of molestation as a child. Some of my first memories are as a 4 year old boy being molested by an uncle. This continued until 10 - 11 years of age. My uncle of course told me that this was all my fault and that I was a very bad boy. Me, I was too little to understand anything other than I was a rotten kid and God must hate me. My family took me to church every Sunday morning, and Sunday and Wednesday evenings. They told me that God loved me but I knew that was a lie. Where was he when I was being molested? Sound Familiar? At the age of approximately 13-14 I was again attacked this time by a youth minister....Where was God? Now I did hate him back. God was like Zeus. I cursed at him for not loving me and allowing this to happen to me. It took me 40 YEARS to understand that Father was there with me as a child. That he did not abandon me during those times. I had prayed and he had heard. He had been there the whole time and had held me close to him as a child.
I know that it is little consolation to know that the children are all being held closely by our Father and are sitting in his lap right now. Yet, that is truth. The question we each have to answer is which choice will I make; to hate God for allowing this to happen, or to accept that bad things will happen and we can look to God for healing. We may never understand the reason for the shooting in an elementary school. However, we can choose to love our Father and support each other. I pray that you will allow Father to work healing in your life now, not later. That it will not take you years to understand that our God is capable of healing all your hurt and pain.
Lastly, Father has a simple promise that may fit here. Ask and it shall be given, seek and ye shall find, knock and the door shall be opened. Ask and you shall be given peace, seek and you shall find the path through the pain, and knock and the door to the Father's presence will be open to you. I pray that this is your walk in the next few months.
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